The overlay doesn't show up at all.
-nod3d9ex is NOT an option. The overlay works with it but it still slows down alt-tabing and alt-tabing/reconnecting causes graphical glitches (it causes invisible players if anyone else wants to know).
-dxlevel 81 not an option eiter. Works with it as well but alt-tabing is slowed down even worse.
windows aero extensions is turned OFF however even when I turn it back on it seems to stay off in the options even after restart. There isn't a command that controls that option either AFAIK.
i'm about to just reinstall TF2 if I don't get it fixed by tonight.